A soundbite of tortured syntax and logic

Benedict Brogan on Jacqui Smith’s experience on the Today Programme this morning (listen):

Carolyn Quinn can’t have been the only person who burst out laughing as Jacqui Smith tried to explain the Government’s terror package, except that she was able to do it to the Home Secretary’s face. Can anyone blame her? Ms Smith insists that something that might happen – but has not yet – is not unhypothetical. Before I confuse things further, this is what she told Ms Quinn. See if you can work it out:

“It won’t be hypothetical if and when it occurs. We are not legislating now on the basis that we are bringing it in now for something that might happen in the future; we are bringing it in now for something that might happen in the future; we are bringing in a position for if it becomes unhypothetical. If, unfortunately I and many other experts are right and we do need it in the future it is in place.”

Very Rumsfeldian.

Who will watch the spooks?

Paul Murphy is to take over as Welsh Secretary from Peter Hain, who quit today after his deputy leadership campaign donations were referred to the police. Mr Hain has been replaced in his other cabinet role as Work and Pensions Secretary by James Purnell (btw elsewhere in Europe – Prodi has resigned as Prime Minister – not that we or the Italians will notice… much).

Murphy’s departure leaves the Intelligence and Security Committee without a Chair at a time when the Government is consulting on the future of the committee. Here’s what Brown said on the subject last summer:

As the security agencies themselves recognise, greater accountability to Parliament can strengthen still further public support for the work they do. So while ensuring necessary safeguards respecting confidentiality and security, we will consult on whether and how the Intelligence and Security Committee can be appointed by, and report to, Parliament. And we will start now with hearings, where possible, held in public; a strengthened capacity for investigations; reports subject to more Parliamentary debate; and greater transparency over appointments to the Committee.

So who will replace Murphy? The current committee looks like this:

  • Rt Hon Paul Murphy MP (chair)
  • Rt Hon Michael Ancram QCDL MP (Conservative)
  • Rt Hon Alan Beith MP (Lib Dem)
  • Mr Ben Chapman MP (Labour)
  • The Rt. Hon. Lord Foulkes of Cumnock (Labour)
  • Rt Hon George Howarth MP (Labour)
  • Rt Hon Michael Mates MP (Conservative)
  • Mr Richard Ottaway MP (Conservative)
  • Ms Dari Taylor MP (Labour)

Not since Tom King has there been a Tory Chair… but if you were the PM would you appoint one at a time like this?

Quantum of Solace

The next James Bond film is to be called Quantum of Solace. The name is taken from one of a collection of short stories published by 007 creator Ian Fleming in 1960. The orginal story has no super-villains, guns, or global conspiracies. It centres around a dinner party conversation in the Bahamas between Bond and the Colonial Governor.

Bond is told of a young Diplomatic Service man who marries a flight attendant. When she becomes disillusioned with her life she begins a blatant affair which ruins her husband. He retaliates by ruthlessly crushing her spirit over the course of a year, leaving her financially and emotionally ruined. The crux is the emotional phenomenon the Governor calls the Quantum of Solace, the smallest unit of human compassion that two people can have. As long as that compassion exists, people can survive, but when it is gone, when your partner no longer cares about your essential humanity, the relationship is over.

All very well. But seriously – no super-villains, guns, or global conspiracies?

Who gets to be the utilities on the global Monopoly board?

From Der Spiegel via Matt Yglesias: Hasbro is planning to launch the first global version of Monopoly, and they’re canvassing votes for which cities should be included.  As Der Spiegel puts it, cities all over the world are urging residents to “vote early and vote often”: for

Forget a seat on the United Nations Security Council. The place where the citizens of the world can really play with the big boys is actually within reach: a place on the new global Monopoly board.

Nor is this just a game – not by a long shot:

The marketing potential of being included on the board has not escaped tourist authorities. Edinburgh, currently ranked 14th [but sliding – at the time of posting it’s fallen to 18th], is hoping to attract more visitors with the Monopoly midas touch. VisitScotland marketing manager Kathryn Macdonald told the BBC that it will give the already popular tourist destination a boost. “This is a fantastic opportunity for Scotland’s capital city,” she said on Tuesday, adding: “We encourage everyone to take the time to vote for their favorite city.”

A quick visit to the leaderboard shows that London is in the top two, and hence on track for one of the two coveted navy blue slots – along with Paris. 

But here at GD, we like to think we’re above these narrow parochial concerns.  What we’re interested in is who gets to be the two utilities.  One’s the United Nations, obviously.  But the other?

Bono and Gore

The BBC’s Tim Weber is in Davos, listening to Al Gore and Bono search together for the Holy Grail – a policy framework that can integrate development and climate objectives.  Now read on…

Mr Gore and Bono have been discussing these issues since last October, bringing together aid experts and climate scientists in a series of 8 sessions and workshops. [But] while they have identified the issue, and sort of have identified an answer, they are still short of a solution.

Al Gore once again called for a revenue neutral way of putting a price on the cost of carbon, where the negative impact of carbon is added to its price, and the tax revenue is used to release money elsewhere. Bono, for his part, demanded an “adaptation fund”, programmes that would provide “social protection for farmers and prepares them for floods”. Education was the second tool, he said, because “providing people with a chance” was the best albeit “counter-intuitive way of controlling the growth of population”.

But was that the promised “unified earth theory”?

Somebody shoot me, please.  I mean, Al, Bono, thanks for ringing the alarm bell and everything, but please, if the pair of you still don’t have a development-climate synthesis that extends beyond vague murmurings about carbon tax and aid volume, couldn’t you just, like, take a bow? I mean, if climate safety demands a safe global emissions budget, but developing countries want equity and the right to develop their economies, and need finance for development too, don’t you think you could make that little jump to… Well, you’re bright guys; go figure it out.  It’s not rocket science.